In Christ alone my hope is found, 
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied –
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

Stuart Townend and Keith Getty

Part VI:
Remember that you’re human.
As I write this, it’s twilight at the farm, and my whole world is bathed in warm, pink light. I’m in the farmhouse kitchen, and my heart is so full. 
I’m overwhelmed with the beauty of this moment, with the relief that often washes over me when I remember how I used to feel (constant fight-or-flight mode, “stuck at ON,” physically/emotionally/mentally/spiritually burned out, living at far too fast a pace, teetering on the edge of depression, constantly anxious), and how thankful I am to be standing here today. 
As humans we’re created to crave beauty, and when we consistently put off “feeding” ourselves (with real and nourishing rest, with truly taking in the beauty that surrounds us), we will eventually cave to misery.

God knows our strengths, abilities, weaknesses and disabilities. He knows us better than we know ourselves.

Psalm 103:13-14
“As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. 
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.”

I feed myself by reading God’s Word, and listening carefully to what it says. 
I feed myself by opening my eyes to beauty and actively looking for it in the world around me. 
I feed myself by investing time in a community of like-hearted brothers and sisters who build me up by genuinely sharing their lives.

Part V:
Set realistic goals.
And by this I don’t mean that you have to “settle,” but I do mean that you can choose to resist damaging your body by making an attainable plan instead of filling your life with everything possible until you reach your breaking point. 
In our farm internship program we spent a good amount of time talking with our flower-farmers-in-training about making a business plan right from Year One. Having a plan gives you direction and keeps you on track if you have leanings toward procrastination, but it also helps you control yourself if you have unchecked ambition.

There is so much hope for those of us who’ve capitulated to the grind, whether in the flower farming world or in any other realm of (especially *small*) business, and part of that hope for me personally includes the opportunity to impact others for good. I have helped many new farmers learn to grow well, endeavored to mentor them in good business practices, but I also have a desire to help all kinds of business people be wise as they plan their future and to show them by example what good self care looks like. 

In the years since we started making purposeful, careful changes, I’ve seen quality of life go up, cortisol levels plummet.

Remember that every time you say YES to something, you’re saying NO to something else. We all have a finite amount of time… how do you want to spend it?! Saying NO to something good so I can say YES to something eternal is an essential key to pacing myself and being realistic about goals.

Part III
We hired several employees in years four and five, but instead of transferring work to them we just allowed more and more work to creep in so that we remained as busy as ever, with no relief in sight. We were stretched so thin that things came to a breaking point for me physically in 2016, the year we bought our own farm and moved our existing operation to it (mid season!), remodeled a farm house, and went through tremendously stressful upheaval in our business relationships. It was almost the end of me, almost the end of our family relationship.

BUT. It did not have to be this way. It seemed like the only option along the way of those first 5 years of meteoric growth, but let me repeat – IT DID NOT HAVE TO BE this way.

I wish, more than anything else about small business life, I could communicate this to every dear, aspiring farmer who crosses my path: Don’t completely give your physical stamina and strength to your business. Please don’t exhaust yourself for years (or even months) at a time in exchange for stronger or faster business growth! Please pace yourself, set realistic goals, remember that you’re human. {to be continued!}

Psalm 90:12 “So teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom.”

Part IV:
Pace yourself.
I love to meet new, energetic, ambitious, zealous flower farmers. There’s a magic and energy around them that is unmistakable, irresistible! But it is true that we all have a limited amout of “life-energy,” and there is wisdom in pacing yourself to expend it over the length of time you wish to flower farm instead of using it all up in the first few years. Careful, purposeful pacing is not laziness.

Life is too short to waste rushing around just being busy! And I say this with derp conviction, as a woman who has wasted years being proud that I was driven enough and had enough stamina to pack more into a day than the next person. As an enneagram #type3 who has been unhealthy too long, I’m working hard to stop my headlong rush to achieve what I hope can make me more valuable and focusing on what TRULY is valuable.

James 4:14 “Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

THERE is a flower that bees prefer,
And butterflies desire;
To gain the purple democrat
The humming-birds aspire. 
And whatsoever insect pass, 
A honey bears away
Proportioned to his several dearth
And her capacity. 
Her face is rounder than the moon,
And ruddier than the gown 
Of orchis in the pasture,
Or rhododendron worn. 
She doth not wait for June;
Before the world is green
Her sturdy little countenance 
Against the wind is seen, 
Contending with the grass,
Near kinsman to herself,
For privilege of sod and sun,
Sweet litigants for life. 
And when the hills are full,
And newer fashions blow,
Doth not retract a single spice
For pang of jealousy. 
Her public is the noon, 
Her providence the sun,
Her progress by the bee proclaimed
In sovereign, swerveless tune. 
The bravest of the host,
Surrendering the last, 
Nor even of defeat aware
When cancelled by the frost.

-Emily Dickinson

Part II
In the beginning, it was a sacrifice I was absolutely willing to make: to fully give myself to the job of building a farm business from scratch. It required so many hours that between early morning deliveries, late night bunching or seeding, and being a mother to very young children, I *could not sleep* enough. It seemed like a reasonable sacrifice the first season, and by the second I saw amazing fruit from my labor: we joined a cooperative of growers, which gave us access to a powerful existing group of customers. Our business was growing so quickly that my husband Steve left his day job to come home and we began working together. 
I was still giving 200% of myself to grow the business, however, and as it grew, so did its demands. Going into years three and four the trend continued, and although the frantic pace began to take its toll on my body, I felt that if I just ate healthier, dropped some extra pounds, became more fit, dug a little deeper…. and hung on until the winter “break,” then it would all even out. I could continue the super-human exertion.

J.C. Ryle: “Let us note the words of our Lord to the apostles when they returned from their first public ministry. “He said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’”
These words are full of tender consideration. Our Lord knows well that his servants are flesh as well as spirit, and have bodies as well as souls. He knows that at best they have a treasure in earthen vessels, and are themselves subject to many weaknesses. He shows them that he does not expect from them more than their bodily strength can do. He asks for what we can do, and not for what we cannot do. “Come to a quiet place,” he says, “and get some rest.” These words are full of deep wisdom.”

I’m a farmer. And a florist. And a small business owner. And a wife, a mama, a child of God, a friend, a mentor, a teacher…..
And way too often I muddle up all those titles. I get them out of order, and have spent too many years feeling overwhelmed. 
Today I’m going to share a small first installment of my flower farmer adventure, which is really the adventure of how I stopped trying to be everything at once. {Have you been there before? I’m being as transparent as I dare, and I hope these experiences resonate with you, no matter your work or industry!}

Part 1 
When we starting our flower farming adventure in 2012, I had no idea what it would cost. I’m not talking about pricey seeds or costly equipment – I’m speaking of how it would affect my health.
The cold, hard truth is that flower farming is a marathon of extremely difficult and grinding work. Sure, our harvest days are filled with bounty and beauty beyond compare, but in order to get to that point, there is an incredible amount of mental energy (planning and strategizing), muscle-work (moving earth is not for the faint of heart), and repetitive task-work that has to happen.

Colossians 3:23a “Whatever you do, work heartily….”
BUT ALSO
Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Time to Talk 
by Robert Frost 
When a friend calls to me from the road
And slows his horse to a meaning walk,
I don’t stand still and look around
On all the hills I haven’t hoed,
And shout from where I am, What is it? 
No, not as there is a time to talk.
I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,
Blade-end up and five feet tall,
And plod: I go up to the stone wall
For a friendly visit.

Hebrews 13:16 “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”

Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. “

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3

When I feel afraid, it’s usually because…. I put my trust in ME. 
I deeply fear failure, and I’ve a horror of disappointing the people around me. I naturally feel safest when I feel like I’m in control, when I am “performing” excellently. {ahem enneagram #type3} BUT over and over I see that in my weakness, God’s strength is most magnificently displayed.

Farming independently brings many opportunities for NOT being in control, as the systems of how/what we grow are incredibly fragile. While we work hard to be on top of all the tasks and carefully observe what’s happening with each crop, we’re largely at the mercy of many uncontrollable factors. 
These past eight years have been an amazing and fertile period of growth for both Steve and me – to grow in farming and business knowledge, maturing in our marriage, but even more to grow personally in grace and faith. It’s been the adventure of a lifetime, and we’re certainly not done learning!

I’ve had to ask myself almost daily, “Do you believe God is sovereign, or not? If yes, then how should you act right now?”

I’m so thankful for God’s patience with us, and for his faithfulness to put us in situations where we’re stretched and pushed to grow. He is faithful to keep us!

Those he saves are his delight / He will hold me fast. -Ada Habershon